How New Years Resolutions Work
Dear Friends,
By now you have had the opportunity to test-drive some of your resolutions for the New Year. How are they working for you? Hey, we are only human, and although we may have the best intentions, we all know what can happen as time goes on. Our success depends on how truly committed we are to make changes, and if the changes we attempt are realistically within our capabilities.
While self-care is certainly part of creating a wholesome life, a New Year is complete when we also commit to focusing on spiritual betterment such as G-d’s desires and others’ needs.
A new year becomes hollow if it’s only about resolutions involving the self (think articles on “top resolutions for this new year”— joining a gym, starting a diet, saving money).
A new year becomes full and meaningful when it’s about first acknowledging the centrality of God in our lives and the importance of inviting Him in.
Against that backdrop of existential reflection, our resolutions will naturally reflect our desire to strengthen our relationship with God and increase the meaning and purpose in our lives. Certainly these should involve self-care, because we need a strong body and sense of well-being to have the strength to do for others- if I am not for myself, the book of Ethics teaches us, who will be for me? And if I am not there for myself—who will then be there for others? But our resolutions should also include committing to certain acts: calling a relative we don’t particularly like (it’s easy to talk about social justice but it’s truly actualized when we remember our own family members, including the ones who are hard to talk to); giving tzedakah regularly (this can mean having a charity box on our kitchen window sill and dropping in a few coins before dinner, remembering those who have less, and showing our children how to- in my mentor the Rebbe’s words- “train the hand to give”); and attending a Torah class (we can’t care about ideas that we don’t quite know…and this is especially accessible to us with our dear cyber friends Rabbi YouTube and Rabbi Google, all over the world-wide web).
The reason we so often fail to stay the course in our resolutions is that oftentimes, we’re fighting a battle we’re not strong enough to win- we bite off more than we can chew. But smaller, more doable habits slip right under this resistance.
They’re too small to resist. We see this when it comes to material commitments- do you know anyone who went from walking zero miles to five miles a day that still does that a year later? Someone who wanted to get their finances in order that had a paradigm shift in five minutes? But you likely know someone who increased in their exercise gradually and continues to exercise each day, or another who charted a new financial course with a lot of contemplation and care and small changes at first that led to a bigger transformation.
Spiritual commitments are no different- volunteering once a month at your favorite charity; a ready smile for the mailman; dropping those two coins into the charity box once a day; making the decision to begin each morning with gratitude for simply waking up…taken day by day, these small acts generate momentum and ultimately, reprogram our subconscious.
So how can we practically start implementing? By embracing one bite-sized mitzvah that can realistically stick. Allowing our essential oneness with G-d to glow in our day-to-day small actions.
We often underestimate the power of one mitzvah, of one commitment, of one change, of one move, of one gesture, of one act of love, kindness and holiness. We think it is all or nothing. But it was one loving interaction between Moses and G-d at the burning bush that completely impacted the Jewish future and all of humanity, and it can be one action today that can start an endless ripple effect of change.
My mother would always remind me of the saying from our sages- “Mitzvah Goreret Mitzvah”- one mitzvah leads to another. (Kind of like the old story about eating peanuts: you just can’t stop at one!)
Once Moses made a commitment to the Jewish people, which began with his care and concern for single individuals, he ultimately was the messenger who delivered them all from a life of Egyptian slavery and despair.
Once we make a commitment to one small resolution, we are ultimately the messengers and agents of even bigger change and redemption for our world. It is bound to happen, because goodness is contagious- people get inspired to do good when they see good.
So where do we start? With one small, ultimately giant step. Shabbat Shalom!
Rabbi Fishel & Ettie Zaklos
